“You’re gonna piss a lot of people off when you start doing what’s best for you,” and more thoughts on priorities and boundaries.
Picture of my office wall here, in the instagram story.
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Allissa Haines Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Massage Business Blueprint podcast, where we discuss the business side of massage therapy. I am Allissa Haines, and I am solo, and I’m about to tell you why.
We are going to do a new thing just for December where we are — our December episodes are just going to be short business affirmations and some things to think about. And the reason that we’re going this, as opposed to our normal very topic and action-oriented podcasts, is that I think we all have enough to do in December. And I’ve realized that anything I learn in December is not going to get executed; it’s just going to get put on a to do list for January. And as I was starting my own to do list for 2020, I was getting really stressed out about how overloaded I was already feeling. So I made the decision to not consume any new learn-y information that is outside of one specific project that I’m working on. I’m not going to just — I’m not going to be expanding my horizons in December. I’m just hitting pause. I’m having kind of a break from anything extra that I might need to learn or do. And I have to say it’s been a big relief, and I want to provide that relief for you.
So in December, our four Friday December episodes are just going to be something a little more thoughtful, a little more affirmative, things to think about, but they don’t require any action or emotion or movement on your part. And that’s what we’re going in December. So there will be no banter because it’s just me, and I am just going to jump right into what we’re talking about today.
So today we’re talking about priorities and boundaries. And specifically, I have said no to a whole bunch of things lately. I have said no to being a podcast guest, participating in an online conference educational thing, I have said no to consulting on an interesting new software project. And much of that has been very hard. And I realize that the decision to say no, actually ate up — the first few things I said no to, I spent a lot of time on them. I probably spend a half an hour on each of them investigating what the thing was. Is any particular event or podcast or whatever, are the listeners the kinds of people, the kinds of practitioners that would be great Blueprint premium members? Is this going to — am I really going to be able to share useful information, or is it too superficial of a venue? And I — but I put a lot of time and thought into determining if I should be part of these projects. And then by the time the third thing came around when I was asked to consult on something, I was just like, ugh, I don’t even want to spend a half an hour doing a deep-dive so that I can write a really thoughtful and gracious no thank you. I just don’t want to do it. I don’t. And I was able to say, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I just can’t fit this into my schedule right now. And I was able to do so honestly and hopefully kindly. But it has been very hard.
But it has been very necessary because I have some big projects in front of me. I have one that you’re going to hear about in a few weeks; I can’t tell you yet. And there’s a second one where we’re going to redesign the Blueprint website to be much more functional and useful for our members and for everyone. And it’s been weighing on me for like a year, and I finally started working on this project a couple weeks ago. And the day that I set aside to do it, I felt — or at least to get started on it because there’s like 25 stages of this project, and I’ve got exactly one of them conquered — but I felt such a big relief, and I felt so much excitement leading up to that day that I knew I was going to be in my little backyard office, and I was going to look through all of the content we’ve put on the website and subdividing into categories and deciding what we needed to get rid of versus what needs to get rewritten. And it was such a wonderful day. I spend about six hours that day — broke it up into like two or three sections — just looking at everything we’ve created. And it was great. And categorizing it. If you saw on our Instagram, I actually took a picture of my office wall — and I’ll put a picture in the podcast notes — with just my office wall has become like a big pincushion for all of our content divided into categories and subcategories, and it was really fun.
Anyhow, back to the point. I — it’s hard to say no, and I am so glad that I did because it is giving me space to work on these projects that are truly exciting me without being overwhelmed and having to work until 8:30 or 9:30 or 10:30 or 11:30 every night and sending emails and answering Facebook posts at 2 a.m. because I can’t sleep because I’m stressed out about all the stuff on my plate.
So I have a little bit more to say on this, but before we do, I want to jaunt over to our halftime sponsor. And since Michael’s not here to say it, I will say, our halftime sponsor is Jojoba. We are delighted to be sponsored by the Jojoba Company. I think they are our longest and most staunch supporter.
Sponsor message I believe that massage therapists should only be using the best quality products because our clients deserve it and my body deserves it, quite frankly. I love that jojoba is not allergenic; I can use it on any client and every client without fear of an allergic reaction. That makes me feel so much more comfortable when I have someone, you know, a pregnancy massage coming in and I know they have a nut allergy. It just helps me unclench and give a better massage. And that is just one of the reasons that I love jojoba. You can learn more, you can also get 10% off the price of the product on orders of $35 or more when you shop through my link, massagebusinessblueprint.com/jojoba, that’s J-O-J-O-B-A.
AH Thanks, Jojoba, for being such a loyal supporter. I love that company.
All right, so let’s flip back here. When you say no to things, other people have reactions. And I read — totally like one of those graphical inspirational posts the other day, which partly inspired this episode, from an Instagram account. I think it was called Lady Hustlers. And it says, you’re going to piss a lot of people off when you start doing what’s best for you. And that is totally true in your business and in life. When you decide to fire a client because they are difficult to deal with, it might piss them off. It’s still what’s best for you and your business. If you decline going to a social event with your family that you do not enjoy, you’re probably going to piss some people off. There you go. It’s just going to happen, but it’s what’s best for you if you need to protect your emotional well-being, especially around this, the holiday season.
You’re also going to feel guilty. Like, I didn’t tick anybody off when I said no to guesting on a podcast or consulting on a project. Everyone was delightfully lovely. But I felt guilty. So you might piss yourself off a little bit and then feel stupid about feeling guilty — why should I feel guilty; it wasn’t my thing anyway. It’s going to happen. But your boundaries are so important, and I think that if you go into a situation being aware that other people might have a reaction and being prepared for that, it makes it a little bit easier to say no, and it also makes it a little bit easier to be proactive, to protect your time and protect your emotional space.
So this is your permission slip. This episode, the first one of December, is your permission slip to say a gentle no, a thoughtful no, or just a firm, without expansion, no to things that are sucking you dry or maybe preventing you from doing and working on the projects that you want to work on. Obviously there’s stuff we can’t say no to. Your child needs their teeth brushed and they need to go to bed at night, and you can’t just say no, I’m not going to help you with that. But I would guess if you look around, there are things you can say no to that will free up a little space and a little time, allow you to protect yourself a little bit better. And I look forward to hearing how that works out for you.
If you have thoughts, if you have follow-up, if you want to share your story of saying no, I absolutely want to hear it. You can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. And I hope you have a wonderful December. Bye.